i barfeds in our rink
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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