worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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