just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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