I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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