You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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