life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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