walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
