The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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