At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
