I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
