Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
