its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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