you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
