Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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