Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
