I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
