i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
