He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
