Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
