I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
