We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
