Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
