it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just found puke in my bra..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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