Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
