I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
