I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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