we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
