i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
