i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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