She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
