Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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