its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
