can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
