My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
