Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we're making bets on your personal life
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
