I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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