Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
