if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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