i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
