party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
