You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
