go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
