...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
