Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
