I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
