i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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