I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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