Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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