32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this boner is exhausting
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
