: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
